


Why

by blackheadedseagull



Category: Actor RPF, Marvel Cinematic Universe RPF
Genre: Feelings Realization, Fluff, M/M, Possibly Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-13
Updated: 2019-03-13
Packaged: 2019-11-17 14:09:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18100055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackheadedseagull/pseuds/blackheadedseagull
Summary: The realization hits him like a speeding truck a rabbit on the highway. Brutal and sharp and blissful dissociation before the feelings well up, dragging him back into an all of a sudden drastically different reality, drowning him.He is in love. With Sebastian.





	Why

 

 

He is in love.

 

The realization hits him like a speeding truck a rabbit on the highway. Brutal and sharp and blissful dissociation before the feelings well up, dragging him back into an all of a sudden drastically different reality, drowning him.

He’s not sure he remembers how to breathe.

 

Sebastian frowns slightly, “You okay?”, and then has the audacity to lean in a little closer and put that hand back on Chris’ shoulder, unaware that this is the reason, that Sebastian is the cause.

 

Chris can’t help himself. He stares at him. Into pale blue eyes filled with mild confusion and the beginnings of concern. Some part of his brain remembers that oxygen might be a good idea if he wants to keep staring - or not fainting in general. The air smells like coffee and make-up and Sebastian.

 

It’s not like he’d never noticed how attractive, how gorgeous the man standing opposite him is. He may have been oblivious concerning the exact nature of his own feelings, but he’s not blind. And Sebastian is beautiful, in every sense of the word.

Chris just never considered the possibility he’d actually fall for this guy. Well. It doesn’t seem to be only a possibility anymore now, does it?

 

He is hyper-aware of the hand resting on his shoulder. The terrifying warmth that’s spreading from there throughout his whole body. Sparkling electricity, paralyzing yet invigorating.

This is not supposed to happen.

They are friends. They are colleagues.

Steve and Bucky in that scene are friends.

There is no explanation for this weird epiphany to happen right now. Or at all.

 

A spark appears in those pale blue eyes, an idea. Chris feels his pulse accelerate, anticipating Sebastian’s next words. Did he notice? Does he know? He’s aware that he’s an open book, especially to his friends and family. What if Sebastian hates him now? Doesn’t want to talk to him anymore? Will only interact with him when necessary? What if -

 

“When was the last time you had a decent coffee?”

 

Oh, okay. His train of thought screeches to a sudden halt as Chris tries to figure out how Sebastian jumped from announcing the end of their friendship to coffee. Right, he didn’t really. Sebastian only saw him freeze out of nowhere and apparently blames a lack of caffeine. Chris can totally get behind that. It’s something they can fix easily.

All he has to do is come up with an answer, focus on forming words, not on how stunningly beautiful Sebastian’s face is with this amused smile about to happen, already waiting in the corners of his eyes and lips.

To no-ones surprise he fails.

What even was the question?

 

The smile widens into a radiant grin when Sebastian takes Chris’ stare – which in all likelihood ranges somewhere between blank and overflowing with a unrecognizable mix of emotions – as confirmation of his hypothesis. Something about coffee, Chris remembers distantly, but doesn’t care too much in the light of that grin.

 

Chris does not remember the process of walking and sitting down. He is not entirely sure how the coffee cup found its way into his hand. It is very likely that the nice, blue-haired intern had something to do with the latter. He does however remember Sebastian’s presence next to him, the smile in his voice while teasing him about his coffee-addiction.

 

“Do you think it’s the coffee that transforms you into a zombie or does caffeine put a natural progression on hold?”, Sebastian asks, sipping his own beverage with foam high enough to leave a white dot on the tip of his nose.

 

It is entirely impossible for Chris to give much thought to his answer under these circumstances. Even with the reassuring heat and aroma. All of his brain-cells still loyal to reason are busy keeping their rogue colleges from making him remove the foam from Sebastian’s nose, ideally in a kiss with the tip of his tongue. At least he’s got his voice back. Small mercies. “Either way we are damn close to a zombie apocalypse.”

 

Sebastian’s eyes sparkle. “I think it has already started.”

 

“So you keep feeding me coffee to see what happens?” Chris raises an eyebrow at him. Discussions about zombies or colonies on Mars or time travel are safe. A thing friends do have. A thing where it doesn’t matter that he just realized that there is more to it on his end.

 

“It’s called scientific approach”, Sebastian explains with the tone and expression of a high-end governess, who’s insulted by the ignorance of the child in her care. He manages to keep a straight face for about five seconds, then it gets taken over by a grin. His grin. The best grin in the world. Bright and warm and infectious.

 

And it’s in its light that Chris realizes he’s been asking the wrong question.

It’s not why at all.

It’s why only now.

 


End file.
